I’m very careful to handle everything in my life now. I consider or think deeper before I had to decide or to make a change. It’s not easy now, as we get older we realize how we need to become more responsible first to ourselves. The question is not about what but “how”. I can’t live a passive life, I won’t live to it by choice either, but being objective, sometimes we need to be passive and observant. No need to rush when it comes to life’s decisions.
Here’s come the final chapter of ups and down of my life emotionally:
guilty - the feeling is so heavy. creeping into my minds as if eating my whole consciousness and leads me to the feeling of numbness. being guilty has many reasons, personal disobedience, being careless and most of all being irresponsible. I’m trying to be more honest and you know, being aware of my limitations.
hating - as i always say the word. it’s easy to hate by saying it, but sometimes i really mean what i say. it’s easy to get annoyed and disappointed, but i always remind myself not to burst into flame, for when the damaged is done, not can make it whole again. I always watch myself - control myself every time I feel the flame of hate.
me, myself & mine - i don’t mean being selfish. I want to be me, i mean myself. I love to do things my own way. I’m talking about my current situation - like such staying with my brother. I’m not used to have free stuff - like free laundry, when you wake up the things you need is already fixed, free ride with my brothers motorcycle. I missed the times when I do stuff for my self from laundrymen to cooking. It’s makes me feel more secure and happy. I’ve decided to move out next month. Just nearby my workplace.
acceptance - the top motivating factor in my life. the feeling it bring makes me whole and free. being accepted in workplace, in family and circle of friends is a paradise - a gift from heaven that brings joy and pure happiness.
completeness - it not about having a gf, a wife or some that makes you complete. it’s about acceptance of you are. I’m happy of myself, I am who I am and accepts my frailty. Being imperfect makes me struggle to face the reality and hold on to what is desirable and good. I’m complete - thank God!
expectations - the feeling is such a magic! when we expect for something - it makes our life colorful. the hope that shines in my heart is so overwhelming. I have a lots of dreams, plans and I’m expecting them to work out in my life. For I never let go, i keep holding on and pushes through, until I see it comeing like a breaking dawn.
———until here and may you have a great feeling today————
bodengdeng
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