Life I’ve Imagine.

Often I thought, share and discuss

Of pains, suffering and of being less

In life.

Never thought that today

It will change

I've always thought of life

I've imagine

When I was young

I always wanted

To become a surgical doctor

But I studied management accounting

And end up working in a world of banking

Life is easy when

You know what to do

What is good

And do what is require of you

I am living the life

I’ve imagine

When I was young and carefree

The life I’ve imagine

Beautiful house, white car

Leisure and pleasures

Sitting on

These chair of reality

Is the place Where I would probably

Spend another decade

I keep on imagining

The life I want to live.

by: bodengdeng

SAUDI ARABIA LIVING DREAM

Life Behind.

As if it was like a second ago. Those pains, loss, the tears spent through sleepless nights in combat with life inadequacies. I am capable of emotional evolution either force nor natural way. Where life places my foot now is such a privileged. An opportunity I met along the way in search of fulfilling my life’s need. After so much thought of less productive life in Manila, I left for Saudi to work as a secretary.

In just three days, I have been here in Saudi for five months exactly in February 19, 2011. I had this short written thought about pinoy’s negative lifestyle around here. I guess I was just disappointed because even if not too much I still have my expectations.

SAUDI RIYAL

First off, what makes me feel motivated working in Saudi is because of its beautiful people. Maybe it’s my first time, but I like Saudis now than American people whom I used to fantasize, maybe because I am not lucky to reach America to experience its people, but since my teenage life I have that kind of American dream. Now, I only have a Saudi living dream. I won’t withhold the fact that the main reason why I am here in Saudi is due to economic demand of life in Philippines, how could I refuse to accept the offer that almost triple my salary with less accountability? But of course it has a price, you just have to deal with it naturally. The fact that Saudi has beautiful people and its economic status is outstanding there would be no reason that I shall look into the other side of hill for a greener pasture. I am not saying I am staying for life but who knows? Nobody can tell what will certainly happen on the next day.

Saudi is not a tourist destination. It’s a real-life work destination. It’s not even a love destination street but rather a quickie style of expressing one’s bodily earth discharge. Correct me if I am wrong cause maybe it’s just too early to say that. Weird, may be it’s me.

Riyal is the key.

In everything it’s money but it is not taken into the surface. Saudi is not like what I have heard of, there might be unethical, uneducated, unhygienic just like people of other countries in the world. It’s not because they are Arab and Muslim they are terrorist like saying it’s not because I am a filipino I am like this or like that. But I say, I can never change my smiling face, my artistic nature, my combine masculine figure-feminine strong touch. Accept me as I am or send me home with your own expenses. I would never dream working as an accounting assistant for the rest of my life, yet somehow it’s not bad to work as a secretary until age would force me to retire and enjoy my hard earn riyals.

Living in Riyadh has many restrictions. You’ve heard it in the news, those feminine male who runs a fashion shows, a mass held by minority group, the pinoy waiter who serve in an underground party in Jeddah, even stories that are not publish most probably you know more than I have. Yet, it's not enough reason to make me think that Saudi is not the best place to live in. Law is good, it makes me feel safe and protected, as long as I don’t cross the line I will not get hit and run over by tragedies.

I met a lot of nationality, from very famous Pakistani taxi drivers, Yemenis, Indians, Bangladesh, Nepalese, Turkish, Sudanese, Englishman, Irishman, American and of course locals – the Saudis.

In my five months, I have used to live life in cold seasons. Summer is yet to come and I hope I will be okay. I met new filipino people, I get acquainted with them but as for me I used to live my life dependent on God and myself. I never look for attention and other people’s opinion about my self. I learn to dress myself as I am, being confident of myself and most of all the self- transparency, commitment, trust. It must start from within and this make me feel ME.

In short description, Saudi women are most preserve of all women in the world, Saudi men are the most polite-aggressive ever alive, it’s like don’t give them a chance or else you’ll regret. Saudis are very conservative, God-fearing and overly protective to its people. I like it. I can’t imagine waking up daily in Philippines hearing deadly news either by natural disaster or by force. It’s what I hate the most. But at least in Saudi it is not published. And in Saudi, the game of popularity doesn’t go out in media, it’s just a word of mouth. That’s I think the reason why Saudis can be trusted in business.

Riyadh is just another city, with a seen and unseen stories of life and death, happiness and love, fetishes and luxury, of all these still I choose to live continually in Saudi. Even if not, I have no choice, I have to finish my two year contract, but honestly I have no reason to go back home in Philippines except maybe to do business and see my mom and rest of the folks. You’re right, I am single, no love life, no family of my own, just committed to send my schooling brother and my mom a monthly support.

The WORK. English is the main language for communication. It’s really a blessing to work with Saudis. No stress, no pressure, all you have to be is to work smartly, on time, be polite, most of all just be you, just be a fipino. As a secretary, I have been struggling to adjust with my environment. Wherein previously I used to work in a hostile, noisy, demanding, and restless environment. I thank God for the new dimension of environment where I move my being.

SAUDI DREAM

I know it is very impossible to have my dream bringing into a real life scenario, unless it is underground. This is due to the law of the land. But I guess having someone to be with in life is less important that living the life you are meant to be. Two out of my three lifetime dream are non-realistic in this country, one left that is doing business which seems to catch my attention lately.

Think on, live on, hours and day passes by. I would be the loneliest person in the earth if I choose not to be thankful for the cold weather, for sunlight, for the air I breathe, and for the reddish skin I got in living Saudi Arabia.

This is my dream, to the God-given life beautifully.

by: bodengdeng

photo credit: Bhakti by the inhabitant has left the building.

A DAY WITHOUT THAT THE KIND FEELING

Everyday seems to be forever without that feeling of magic. Many times I know it’s not easy to live another day knowing that it will start and end with exactly the same feeling, this seems to infect my mind with a dreadful thought of living my life forever in the same way.

A day without that kind of feeling isn’t an option for me. I must have that kind of feeling. It would be a nightmare living a day without that kind of emotion. A day that would spell pain and will trouble my mind all throughout. It can spark a war and would make me feel alienated with those that surrounds me. It is far better to sleep ‘till it ache my bones than freshening myself up and going out without that feeling. I know it’s not permanent, it will fade once it reach the period maturity, especially when it receives enough sun of appreciation and water of attention. Regardless of how and when will it stop, I consider it as a part of my daily life for now. No matter how hard a day seems to be, it doesn’t matter cause that’s what makes me feel good about life.

Describing that kind of feeling isn’t easy, I couldn’t fully understand it. Expressing it in words is difficult. Let me try to compare it with some of experiences in life that would somehow decipher that kind of feeling. When I feel, it’s like the first time you made an intimate activity with your beloved. The feeling is like when someone defends you even if you don’t know each other yet scare away those that tries to harm you. It is also like when you feel the urge of making love with your partner and you end up in a bed of your neighborhood crush. The feeling is really unfamiliar, it goes deep down into my heart every time I choose to have it and stays there for the rest of the day, leaving untouched when I lay down to sleep and must be awaken every time when sun shines up.

Sad to say, it can hurt people. It could get interpreted in the other way. It could be thought of bad being disguise nicely and somehow people would think it’s not fitting. No matter what, it’s not about people. It’s about my daily life, how I live each day and each moment without regret. I can’t spend a day without this kind of feeling, I know as I have said it’s not permanent but somehow it will stay as long as the subjects stays even if not, maybe new subject will be brought into the surface.

Life has so much to offer when a person knows what he wants and live daily according to the call of his heart.

by: bodengdeng

ANG AKON LIMA KA REALIDAD

Indi bala nga manami mangabuhi nga yara sa luyo sang imo mga pinalangga, ayhan sa tupad sang imo nga uyab ukon mga kabataan man.

Sang gamay pa ako, akon natandaan kon daw ano kanami sang pamatyag nga ara ka sa luyo sang imo ginikanan. Wala ka sing may ginapaminsar nga madalom kundi nga ang gusto mo lang mag hampang, mag kaon kag mag tulog. Wala sang damo nga gamo. Wala sa sang mga bagay nga dapat atindiron. Naga hulat ka lang nga gisingon kon aga para paliguan, daw sa ano kanami batyagon sang pag paligo sang isa ka iloy, ang iya mga hapulass kag pag habon sa imo naga dala say seguridad kag pag palangga.

Apang naga lakat ang tinion, naga tubo ang mga hilamon kag naga pamunga ang mga tanom. Subong man sang kasapatan, naga damo sila kag kon kis a naga alap lag.

Indi na masaysay kon ano ang mga kabudlay ang akon naagyan. Piho gid ako may ara man nga tawo nga makahambal nga mas ma budlay pa gid ang iya inagyan, apang may yara man nga masulhay ang pag pangabuhi sugod sang umpisa tubtob nga sila nakaintindi na sa pag panglakaton diri duta. Kasakit, pag antos, pangabudlay, gutom, pag pa balhas para lang makakaon, pag yaguta kag pag pasipala sa imo isig katawo. Wala sing katapusan nga gamo. Yara ina sa kabuhi, wala nagapa bilin nga inosenti ang tawo, naga batyag indi kag naga huna huna sang mga bagay nga gakatabo.


Nagligad nga benti nuebi anyos na, pila na ka milyon ang nag taliwan kadungan man sang nag kalabuhi diri sa kalubutan. Madamo sang pamangkot, madamo man ang sabat pero wala naga hilibaot. Gani ang tagsa tagsa naga handom na lang una para sa iya kaugalingon kag ikaduha para sa iya mga pinalangga. Madamo gid ang tawo nga naga kinahanglan sang oppurtunitad para mabuhi sang maayo, layo sa malain nga pamaagi sang pag kabuhi, kag desente nga kabuhi. Sa sulod sang halos tatlo na ka dekada nga pag pang lakaton , gamay pa gid lang ang akon nahibaloan, nalab-ot kag naambitan sa sining kabuhi. Pero bisan diutay lang ang naagom ko kag na experyensyahan sa pag pangabuhi akon lang nga buot ini ipa hayag ini kag kabay nga ang maka basa sini maka pang huna huna nahanongod sa kabuhi kag sa iya rason sini.

Nag umpisa ang tanan sa PANG HUNA HUNA, Ikaduwa sa BALATYAGON, Ikatatlo sa RESPONSIBILIDAD, Ikap at sa paging INDEPENDYENTE kag ikalima sa pag PAG PADAYON PANG HUNA HUNA.

Buang lang ang wala naga pang huna huna, tongod wala ini maka intindi nga kaladlawan ang iya ginahimo kag wala sing kapuslanan. Ngaa bala kinanlan gid mag pang huna huna sang tawo sang iya kabuhi? Tungod para maangkon niya ang paghidaet kag kalipay, maging mauswag siya kag sa sina mapa ambit niya sa iban ang kaayo sang kabuhi sa iya. Indi rason nga mango ukon gungo ang utok sang isa ka tawo nga indi niya maintindihan ang mga dapat niya tun an ukon intindihon, ini tungod nga ang iya pang huna huna indi luyag nga siya mag pangabudlay sa pag paminsar kag pag bulay bulay sang mga bagay. Ayhan magasiling siya sa iya paminsaron “nga a bala nga pabudlayan ko pa ang akon kaugalingon kon pwedi man lang nga indi”.

Gamhanan ang balatyagon. Naga sakop ini sang imo paminsaron, panulok, panamil, pamatin-an kag mismo ang imo pamatyagan. Gin desensyo ang tawo nga balanse, suno sa iya gina batyag iya mabal an kong may mga bagay nga naga tublag sa iya kabuhi. Diri naga umpisa ang pag pahayag, pag upod sa kalipay, pag inaway okon pa- isa bilang pamilya kag komunidad.

Wala sang gulpyada nga responsibilidad. Naga tubo ini. Samtang lamharon pa, indi mo ma appresyar kag mabatyagan. Pero samtang naga labtong ini kag naga ka luto, kinahanglan nga imo mahibaloan mag dala sini kay kon indi maga hatag ini sang madamo nga klase nga komplikasyon okun ang gintawag nga kapid sang pag ka irresponsible. Manami batyagon kon ikaw isa ka responsible nga tawo, madamo ang imo mapa lipay kay tungod gina sakdag mo sila pamaagi sa pag himo sang naga ka dapat kag naka angay. Sa umpisa manlang mabulo budlay pero sa pag padayon mo hakwat sini, ikaw maanad na man lang.

Ang paging independyente naman indi lamang naga kahulogan sa pisikal nga aspeto kundi sa pang huna huna kag balatyagon man. Ayhan mabuhi ikaw nga naga isahanon pero indi ikaw mabuhi nga wala sang mga bagay nga naga hatag kalipay sa imo paminsaron kag balatyagon. Indi madali ang pag lutas, masami ang luha kaupod sini. Pero sa tagsa ka luha nga naga agay sa imo guya naga esplekar ini sang dapat mo maintindihan kag naga pa usbong sang isa ka kusog para ikaw maka tindog para sa imo kaugalingon.

Amo gani nga wala naga untat ang pag gin hawa, pag tiyog sang kalibutan kag pang pang huna huna. Indi ka mag untat, mag paminsar ka, sang mga bagay nga gusto mo himuon kag sa adlaw adlaw tinguhae nga ubrahon ini kag batyagon mo nga ang mga handom mo indi malayo tungod ikaw naga pang lakaton padulong didto. Samtang wala mo ginapbay an ang imo kaugalingon kag wala mo gina apid ang imo kabuhi sa mga bagay diri sa kalibutan nga umalagi lang. Padayona ang pag pang huna huna, padayona ang pag panglakaton. Tubtob nga makalab ot ka sa gintakna mo sa imo kabuhi.

by: bodengdeng

RIYADH NEW LIFE

Written on Saturday, October 09, 2010 4:54:59 PM

In my three weeks at Arriyad, I have been hooked with tea, a unique blending of natural body aroma and their famous staple bread food.

Before reaching the land of dessert and sun, I have heard numerous news, rumors and warnings. I take heed of all those things and bear in mind that I am going there to work not for pleasure.

After sometime, I realized that Saudis work, think and act generally according to their faith, but specifically like the rest of the people of the world each person is unique, specifically working according to their education, knowledge and skills.

In my eight years of work journey, I finally feel relieved and I knew what makes me feel stable, comfortable and ease yet full of passion, dedication and positive-progressive view of life.

I remember some people who has made a difference in my career. During my college I have been connected to a local christian church in iloilo. The main church senior pastor was singaporean, eventually I worked with him for the next two years – back there I learned that singaporean people really meant what they say. They are not impartial, they show no favoritism and they are strict with schedules and commitments. They take everything with value and appreciate the things that is natural. They love to increase people knowledge and skills, they love technology and they work very hard. Back then I worked as a church admin staff. After that, I’ve tried applying for a job and had experienced of 3 days work with chinese, a chinese own company trading car parts. Later, I went to manila for a two to three weeks vacation.

When I came back to iloilo, I joined in a very glamorous company in wellness industry. Working with half-chinese half-filipino isn’t easy. Their mind revolves around the profit, strategy, various activities and countless campaign for wellness, it drives me crazy. My boss is very passionate, she care for he business very much. Nothing is impossible when she target something and work for it, with our help of course. But her style? It makes her people scared of her, though she is compassionate and godly. I lasted for nearly three years working with her and fly to Brunei as tourist together with my Aunt for a hope to find a job there directly. But I failed.

After more than a month in Brunei, I went back home iloilo and started hunting job. I landed into a new and pioneering company in wellness industry. It was owned by pure ilonggo blooded filipino. I’ve pioneered the marketing and the sales strategy and development. Naturally, My boss were very good and caring. But, they won’t tell you what’s in their mind when you are in front of them, later you will hear so many things that are both good and bad from other people whom they talked with about you. They’re late bloomers. They fancy parties and glamorous events. They have money but i find it hard to make myself feel at ease with them and value of what they have. I stayed up to six months.

I went to manila to attend an interview for a singapore job. Unfortunately I wasn’t selected for the job. In my mind I have to stay. I can’t go back to iloilo. So the project owner who facilitated the interview of the job i've applied hired me. Another fellow, illonga-filipino. She will tell you good things up front and tell bad things behind you. She’s loud and daring, I have learned from her to be a fighter and becoming more independent. I was taught to be more efficient in work and detail. To carefully notice every part of the job and seek no rest, for there is strength there is work. It goes on for another six months.

After six months, I was hired by a Korean owned company. It’s a general contractor company that manufacture aluminum, install door and window glasses, stainless products and so on. Korean people are respectful people and authoritative. They are full of energy, full of indefinable attitude of love towards their job and their worries is unbearable. It’s fun working with them. You see them changing in colors, when they talked to their boss they are saints but when the boss are gone, they are kings. Most of them are taught before hand how to act and live in Philippines, it’s pre programmed. They already knew how corrupt the government people are, they knew how poor and bad is the majority of living condition in the Philippines. They the opportunist. They waste no time. And they help each other fellow Koreans no matter if they are offended or have conflict with one another, they’re just have a loud, strong and the warring voice, but actually its their tone. I made it almost two years working with them, and if its not because of opportunity working abroad I might find myself still under their sting.

So, really on November 14, 2010 i'm 29th. When I began living my life since I was 17 I had to say i've started from zero, from nothing. Rags to rags until I develop myself progressively and convert rag things of living into real life opportunities. It's been almost 12 years now, but I never feel I that materialy stable, my satisfaction on material things somehow not bad – except for craving a condo, land, cars and guns. I feel like I just began to really work with worthwhile pay, a pay that really equates your skills and mental ability.

Now that I am here in the country of people whose belief, culture and lifestyle is so far different form mine but i'm totally in. Since i began working with them I never feel difficult to understand them and the way I looked at them. We create images and idea about people when we hear about them, yet we can only make an impression of lasting truth of what they are really like when we live and experience them.

Am still on the process of learning their ways. But with the people I worked with? They are so professional, they are the boss of their own time. They are grandeurs. Though they all look strange to me as like they are wearing a very strong facial expression and hard to reach stature. I saw them always greeting each other with the kiss of peace, they kissed each other on face and spoke some magical words i don't understand. They are very very faithful to Allah, praying five times a day. So far, I have not dine with any of them nor hang out with one of them. There’s no rush in life, they never rush with the things they do. Sooner or later I will experience their true colors and humaness.

by: bodengdeng

Point of No Surrender

April 18, 2009 1:31 PM

For the past three weeks my world was bombarded with pressures and lots of strong pressing down words pass to me.
I had been pushed beyond my limits and my capabilities. My core was shaken. I feel like giving birth to a new child.
The struggle has end when I reach out to God and pray. And let the person know how I feel about his attitude.
As of this time, every things seems back to familiar, but I'm quiet doubtful of next week life

What if I fail again? What if those people who work to solve what we i need fail me?
What is I forget or my attention would be divided?

I fear for my reaction to those questions. Maybe I would give up.
Maybe I give up immediately. But wait... what if I won't surrender?
What if I continue?
What shall be the life after of these matters have been lay down.

I'm so tired. I feel like I want to go out from work now and go home.
God! I need to be still.
Be still Ramon.


by: bodengdeng

NEW FEELING

Mar 7, '09 10:15 AM

ahhh...

It was Annie's idea why I'm writing this blog. And as we discuss about it, something came up - like exciting smile and quiet laugh. And what about this new feeling? Gosh! I hate to write it - but... it's all about JEFF, my new room mate. Melanie hates it - i mean the idea about JEFF, so what?!?

That's all, thank you. hE's cute.


by: bodengdeng

Renewed & Blessed

written on July 12th, 2009

Three weeks are gone but its stressful effects seems to fade out slowly.  Pressure from the people I’ve worked with, projects to assist and countless follow ups of all things involving my so called “accounting job”, oh what a job!

In past months I’ve been seriously  intoxicated by either beer, gin or brandy and plunge into the air of nicotine.  I feel so bad one time, I mean last Saturday and I went to see a doctor. I have difficulty with sleeping and feel pain in my chest and legs, oh what a vice!

After hearing the doctors explanation, I was relieved. It’s anxiety that make me awake all night and makes my stomach feels like being cut and being poured with vinegar. Anxiety leads to restlessness. With a handful of medicine I went home and take a rest.

I’ve got a good rest on Saturday night and feels alive and vibrant.  I went to church next day and experienced JESUS renewal.  As what the doctor says, i should give up smoking and drinking and that’s what my conscience tell me too. So, okay i said; I’m not actually dependent with cigar and liquors but for four years since 2005 I’ve been intoxicating myself.

Just now, it feels good to be free from those bad agent of deadly chemicals to my body.  I just pray JESUS will help me totally stop from my vice. Before I don’t have it but i don’t know what comes into my mind that i did it.

It’s funny. I tried it and like it and now i try to stay away from it. Crazy for good! I missed church so much. Well, it feels heaven and feels like being blessed and renewed every second of my life.

bodengdeng