DEAD END

originally written on June 18th, 2009

What do we live for?

Do we live for love (lust), money, and pleasure? We can never deny the basic necessity of mankind but beyond that, what else? Some seek fulfillment in religion, some in marriage, some on being single, some try both same sex fulfillment. Seeking fulfillment sucks, there’s is no fulfillment not until we become contented of what we have.

Why of 20 millions spermatozoa from your dad and my dad, we were the lucky ones to hit the our mothers egg? It’s so amazing, right?

Sometimes I thought, there’s only one basis of truth. I always believe it’s our conscience. It never says evil nor drives us away to what is true. There’s no truth in this world. What people call to be true is false. Don’t get me wrong with civil laws and the natural laws. It exist for a purpose. I'm talking about a person or what’s inside a person’s mind.

I feel so weird today. I don’t like this kind of emotion. It’s like you’re being skinned off and marinated and being dipped into a boiling oil. Fuck! this shit out of me man! I hate it. I’m so angry. But why my lips are tight. I want to shout to the world what today that i feel so bad! But here i am sitting on my comfortable chair, writing these unexpressed feeling that I have. Oh my! I don’t know… Yes I know, shit! i want to get tired of it now! It’s so hard to express what I feel, especially i am not very good with English usage and my vocabulary is so limited. It sucks! It’s because of her, i feel like this. Okay now what? She gets married. so it’s over! There’s now way for both of us! No chance even in dreams! So that’s it. Tomorrow i’ll be fine. Not sure today. I want to forget everything about her. I must.

Dead end blind the person who faces it. It takes wisdom, to look beyond what the life offer before your eyes. Life doesn’t end with dead end. It’s an opportunity. I love the idea of it. I’m okay at least I’m free of the cell where i brought myself in. At last!

Am i crazy?

bodengdeng